Have you ever wanted to be someone else? I think I've been thinking about this lately because of my work with The Artist Way. There was a task where you were to imagine five different lives you'd like to live. She follows up the task with picking one of the lives and living into for a week, doing something that that person would do. I ended up picking up my ukulele and after almost 30 years of desire FINALLY learned how to play an instrument. It was a culmination of lots of little things so don't go thinking that I went from zero to playing I'll Fly Away in a matter of six days. It was more like 30 years of touching an elephant in the dark and then someone turning the light on one day.
In the midst of all this, I was up one night and started to wrestle with this idea of "I can be anything I want to be." I'm almost positive that if you were doing anything other than smoking in the boys room during school you heard this same mantra, "You can be anything you want to be." In case you haven't figured this out yet, it might not actually be accurate. For me, it was the loss of the dream to become a Miami Dolphin's Cheerleader. As enthusiastic as I was to shout and shake pompoms, even twirl a baton, I cannot do even the simplest cartwheel or summersault, which ever the two of them is easier, regardless, I can't do either. No back flips, no pyramid building, no hip hooraying. That dream died pretty quick. By the third grade, I had another "anything" in my sights and that was to be a medical doctor that had a general practice in rural Montana. I honestly think that Northern Exposure might have had a lot to do with keeping that dream alive. I chased that dream all the way through college. Even when I found myself in seminary for a graduate degree, I still pursued the rural aspect of the job and somehow I ended up in suburbia outside what used to be one of the largest metropolis areas in the States.
Turns out I couldn't be whatever I wanted to be, even if I was smart enough and determined enough to make it happen. I went on a search for this "You can be anything you want to be" bs and find out who started this lie. I was shocked to find that it was probably Abraham Lincoln. I was not shocked to discover that the quote had been taken out of context.
Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be. You can have anything you want if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose. Every man’s happiness is his own responsibility.
Abraham Lincoln, Complete Works
Sounds like it might not have been a manifesto to people to go out there and create imaginary lives for themselves. Because the truth is that we all have limitations. Some of us even have limitations that don't allow us to be completely in control of our own happiness. I'm looking at you clinical depression. But even with those limitations we do have this capability and who to do we cultivate that possibility.
The number one thing that you can do is love the Lord your God.
And the number two thing is love your neighbor as yourself.
And number three, there is no number three, it's just those two things. Should I go into why/how these things work? If you're answer is no, time to click away to the rest of your interwebs fun. If the answer is yes, then let's continue on.
Love the Lord your God
One thing that I've learned about being myself is that I'm a liar. I am so good about lying to myself. Let's take that cheerleader thing from earlier. Anyone that has ever met me from the day I was born could have told you that my pudgy self would be a better linebacker than cheer squad member. I just was not made for the physical work of jumping around and hyping people up. But by diving into my love of God, I started to understand things about myself. Things that created that desire within me to be a professional cheerleader. Turns out I love encouraging people, especially people that do not do a great job. Because my love of God has shown me time and time again that God is not just for the underdogs, but the losers, too. God is always there for me when I fail. And because of that, I want to be there for other people as they're failing, too. I've been through plenty of moments when life sucks. And if it weren't for my relationship with God, then I don't think I would have made my way through without a few misdemeanors on my record. Loving God has shown me God's love for me. The moment we even get a glimpse of an idea of the concept that God is good, he's there to show us and show off on our behalf. God has brought me through so many things over the years. And it's not my devotion that is the crux, God is showing up for all of us all the time, my devotion is what allows me to see that showing up for what it is and to be able to proclaim the goodness of God in the midst of my suffering. Loving God doesn't get me more earthly benefits, it gets me a new perspective on life. Things look different when you are in love with the creator of the universe. You can see the goodness of God all around you. The only unfortunate thing about this reality is that you often have to believe in order to see.
Love Your Neighbor as Yourself
Alright, so you've started loving God, things are looking different, you're starting to see yourself as God sees you. What next on this journey to being myself. Loving your neighbor as you love yourself. Love yourself. Yes, I said that again, so you wouldn't miss it. Love yourself. Don't go making excuses. The only way that this whole love your neighbor self things works is for you to start loving people and yourself JUST BECAUSE! Not because you find them friendly or they bring you babka on Fridays or even because I told you so. The thing is you've got to learn to love people just for the sheer fact that they exist. Being human is reason enough to love someone. And once we start wrestling around with loving people just because, then we can love ourselves just because. And that just because love starts to open up doors within our souls that allows bits and pieces of our true selves to come out and play.
Real Life Example
Okay, don't believe me, fine, I'll let you in on a little real life example. My own life. Let's circle back around to that ukulele I mentioned earlier. When I was a young child in kindergarten, I remember (I don't have any other person to verify the information so you're going to have to go on the word of 5 year old me because I'm a reliable person) one of my teachers remarking about a song that I had made up and was singing loudly (cheerleader remember) to myself in the play house. It was a terrible thing to say and an even worse one for my brain to latch ahold of. I never participated voluntarily in group singing after that point. There was music class a few times in school but I just assumed that I wasn't able so I never did much in those classes. And I blocked out most things music on the technical side, notes, counting, etc. I went on to do things musically when I needed to, like leading singing at camp on occasion, singing along with the radio, enjoying a variety of music. It wasn't until I was in my late thirties that I decided to see if maybe that moment in time was wrong about me. I had to be in a place where I could talk with God about this concern and still hide in the midst of trying to figure it out. Turns out I'm NOT a terrible singer. In fact, I've been trained to sing a few solos, yes, I have stuff I still need to learn but I can sing, carry a tune, and even on occasion pull up the exact right note for the start of a song without assistance. And I was able to take all that learning in the past ten years or so and apply it to the ukulele.
That means that I had lied to myself about my abilities for all those years because I was listening to the exact wrong voice. It wasn't until God and I started talking about it, until I accepted the fact that God may have just created me to be a singer that I was able to do something about the lie. And then once I was able to change the conversation and add new information to the my self was I able to partake in loving my neighbors by singing publicly, and potentially performing the Uke publicly someday soon. I had to love God in order to heal, I had to heal in order to love my neighbor. It's a good cycle. I'd suggest giving it a try sometime.